Everybody needs a good #*&%#@!!

The Supreme Court has recently been punishing everyone caught in the Company Act. A month ago, it refused to let sleeping workers lie, saying they could be sacked for napping. Now it has refused to let swearing workers ply; it has formulated an exit policy for anyone found guilty of abusing his boss. Some will gripe that this judgment takes away an enshrined right, but some will thank the court for thus bringing about a level playing field.Till now, insubordination was the prerogative of the subordinate.
Ruling in a case involving Mahindra and Mahindra Ltd - and no doubt bringing about much Anand across the board — the Bench overturned three previous lower-court judgments. It pronounced that dismissing an employee for using filthy language against his superior was not a punishment disproportionate to the misconduct. Union bosses may want to have no truck with such a decision, but they can honk till they are red in the face, or shout ''Tata Goodbye'' till INTUC come. The management will no longer have to Give Side.
Reading about this judgment, I realised that not only do we have an invective inventory that would make a sailor blush, we could also have a gaali in every port. You don''t have to resort to common cusses; it''s so much more effective to customise them according to the context. Not only will your own slur creativity be spurred, the ''insultee'' will be hit harder when injured with his own sectoral terminology. Swear!
For instance, on Budget day, you could tap into a Chid-fund of vile names guaranteed to blister the FM''s starchy exterior. Try "You deficit!", "You Old Deal!", "You subsidised little urea!" With a little practice, you will be able to spit this out with impunity. If you don''t, you''ll just have to swallow your insults as they roll back into your throat. Some think that CPM and CMP are the same dirty word.
Since it''s Oscar night, let me provide a selection of slurs you could cast at someone in the entertainment industry. Give a virtuoso (vice-oso?) performance. Hurl them with all all your histrionic skills. "You Flop!", "You Blockb...d!". You can even get up close and personal. "You Blackguard Bhansali" or even "Oi Salaman!" The really crude could sidle up to an outdated compere and snarl, "You''re so BC, you MC!"
Since aviation is both an Oscar favourite and an IPO favourite, disgruntled elements can let fly insults such as "You''re the cockpits!" or "You don''t have an IATA of shame". Trust me, no court can ground you for this.
In that other newsmaker, telecom, it is even easier to tele it like it is. You can publicly denounce your boss as a "cut-rate operator", "a sleazy service provider", or even a "TRAI-tor". You could disdainfully dismiss him as "tariff-raff". Better still, squirt "You CDMA!" at him with all the venom at your command - and leave him squirming with rage as he tries to figure out exactly which expletives you meant.
The other compulsive obsessive disorder was the assembly elections, but they were held in states where it''s difficult to upstage the traditional abuse.
***
Alec Smart said, "What''s the outcome of the hiccups over duty-free liquor? Scotch on the rocks."
Juggling Act and Erratica, compilations of best of Jugular Vein and Erratica, now available at leading bookstores. Or log on to www.books.indiatimes.com.